Why Healing Isn’t Linear: It’s an Ever-Ascending Spiral
Image by Unsplash
I had a major insight the other night as I lay in bed. I was experiencing a bout of insomnia, a symptom that hasn't plagued me for awhile.
At first, I was frustrated with myself because I could see the old patterns of behavior that had awakened that energy in me (doing too much too fast!). My inner monologue was chiding.
"You've studied Ayurveda for 16 years—you know this stuff!"
"You're an adult now. Get it together!"
"You should know better!"
"How can you call yourself a health coach?!"
As the familiar torrent of negative self-talk started, a light bulb went on.💡
Instead of continuing to chastise myself, I reframed the situation.
How would I talk to my little boy?
How would I talk to my preschool students when I was a teacher?
How would I talk to my course members and coaching clients?
So I got out my journal and wrote myself a letter:
"Dear Crystal,
You've fallen back into some old patterns, and you're clearly seeing the cause and effect relationship. Great job! That takes a ton of self-awareness!
Old patterns are hard to break. It's only natural to want to test your limits and find the boundaries. That's how you learn.
Now that you've found your limit, you're nipping the behavior in the bud before it gets out of hand.
This is the work!
Remember that healing is a spiral. Sometimes you have to experience a downturn before an upswing.
This is a great opportunity to refocus and get back to basics—get back to your 'why.'
The more you reinforce these learnings, the more you can embody them with conscious choice and use those experiences to help others.
That's the whole point! You're doing great!"
This reframe took the creative energy that was automatically feeding into negative self-talk and repurposed it for compassion and confidence.
It gave me the wind in my sails to take appropriate action, to move away from the old pattern of self-criticism, and to instead integrate the learning of the experience.
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Revisiting old ghosts
The thing is, it's absolutely normal to experience the resurfacing of old symptoms as we heal.
You may be surprised to learn it's actually desirable.
It doesn't mean we've messed up, taken a misstep, or failed.
Each time we experience a seeming "setback," it's another opportunity for us to reprogram ourselves with new patterns in place of the old.
If we avoid old patterns entirely, they're just laying dormant in the background, ready to strike in a vulnerable moment.
This is true whether we're working with anxiety, insomnia, protecting our boundaries, changing our diet, reducing our coffee intake, or anything else.
The real shape of healing
You see, like the image shows above, healing is not a linear process. It's a spiral.
I suspect this is why the spiral shows up in so many profound places, like the golden spiral, the Fibonacci spiral, plant growth patterns, and protogalaxies.
It's encoded into our very being.
“We have learned much, Siddhartha. There still remains much to learn. We are not going in circles, we are going upwards. The path is a spiral; we have already climbed many steps."
—Herman Hesse, "Siddhartha"
As always, nature is the perfect reminder that reality isn't made of of straight lines and 90 degree angles. It's choc full soft, curving edges and non sequiturs.
Let's embrace our healing in the image of nature.
Let's have soft edges toward ourselves as we grow and heal into who we already are.
Get support to soften toward yourself
If you want support in doing so, I have coaching slots available.
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You'll come away with targeted practices you can implement right away to build up your energy, reframe self-criticism, and fully embrace your own deep, nourishing, sacred and spiraling self-care.
There's no cost, no strings, and a 100% chance you'll come away with actionable steps to feel better, healthier, and more energized.
